: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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