If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
