then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
