Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
