My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
