awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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