Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
