I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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