Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
