bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My first STD was from a foam party
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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