Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
