Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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