saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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