You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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