There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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