i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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