I'm eating all of the evidence.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
