I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
