i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
