I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
