summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize