"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
