please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize