I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
