And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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