I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Enjoy the penises
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
