no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
