lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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