taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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