I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
