Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
