I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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