Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize