once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
