maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
