i need an iv and a liver transplant
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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