I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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