hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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