does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Jerry, you need to find god
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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