Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize