also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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