I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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