Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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