i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
