we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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