Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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