There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
