I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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