Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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