we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
