I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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