I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
