i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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