The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
