I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
