i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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