Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
