"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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