i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
