Duck Duck Cougar?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
