I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
