this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
