drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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