He had one of those small greek statue penises
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
