I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Success! We fucked roommates!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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