i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
