I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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