did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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