you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
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