If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
