so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
