sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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