So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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