these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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